Spring Thaw
by Nan
Summary: After the events of Meltdown; Harm is having trouble putting the trial behind him


Title: Spring Thaw  
  
Author: Nan  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Classification: vignette, Harm/Mac  
  
Spoilers: Icequeen, Meltdown  
  
Summary: Harm can't shake the idea that his friends abandoned him during his trial  
  
He crossed the nine-mile mark, his feet thumping in rhythm. It was a clear day spring day   
and as he ran down the mall, Harm could see petals of the dying cherry blossoms blowing   
in the wind. It reminded him of snow falling. These tangential thoughts in his mind   
brought him back once again to Loren Singer's murder trial. Jeez, after nine miles of flat   
out running and he still couldn't put the trial behind him.  
  
He had been told exactly two hours and thirty-nine minutes ago in the Naval Brig that the   
murder charges brought against him had been dropped. That Commander Ted Lindsey   
had confessed to the murder of the Lieutenant. It wasn't a total surprise. The NCIS agents   
had asked him about Lindsey earlier. Would Commander Lindsey have had any   
opportunity to steal a cover from you about four weeks ago? Harm could remember his   
last encounter with Lindsey like it was yesterday. JAG headquarters. His office. Yeah,   
Lindsey had the opportunity. All the pieces fit but it still took most of a day for the paper   
work from the courts to catch up to him at the brig. Another wasted day.  
  
Lindsey's confession filled in the final minutes of Loren Singer's life. The murder had   
occurred less than thirty minutes after she had dropped him off on a Falls Church street   
after their angry conversation at Benzinger's Bar in January. Unknown to Harm, Singer   
had a prearranged appointment with Lindsey to meet at Potomac Park to discuss the   
terms of a payoff. A payoff for what? Whether Loren wanted the money for an abortion   
or to keep quiet was unclear. Whatever. Loren had fallen on an icy pedestrian bridge   
striking her head against the bottom rail. Instead of calling for medical help for the   
unconscious officer, Lindsey had seen it as an opportunity to rid him of an embarrassing   
problem. In the dark night, he had hoisted her body over the rail and let it fall into the   
cold, rushing Potomac. The rest was history.   
  
Harm shivered inadvertently. There were many people at JAG who didn't like Loren   
Singer but none would be so cold hearted. Lindsey was obviously different. He thought   
back to Lindsey's report on JAG. How different that looked in light of recent events.   
Harm had thought at the time how bizarre and fanciful some of his allegations against the   
admiral and his staff were. Now, it seems that Singer had fed Lindsey's fertile   
imagination. No wonder the report was so biased. And Lindsey had deeper motives for   
sullying JAG's name than just a missed promotion.  
  
Harm kept his eyes on path ahead. Soon, he would be running the final few streets back   
towards his loft. Ten miles. Somehow, today, ten miles hadn't cleared his head. Keep   
running, a little voice in his head said. Don't stop. Well, if he ran another five miles, he   
would be so tired nothing would be important anymore. Harm turned away and cross the   
street.  
  
He felt that sun warm on his face. It was a perfect temperature for running. It was good to   
be outside after two weeks of incarceration. The Naval Brig. This wasn't the first time he   
had been in custody. But this instance had been different. It had been humiliating to be   
processed and imprisoned. A judge who didn't like Harm's service record had overruled   
options like bail. On top of the deluded charges, he had endured a degrading lockup.  
  
All forms of personal contact with friends and colleagues had been denied him. Hell, his   
friends were his colleagues! But Singer's close association with the JAG office and her   
hostile relationship with most of its staff had made this trial different. Chegwidden and   
his staff had been told to maintain an arm's length relationship. SecNav ordered the trial   
to be run out of the Washington Naval District. In one fell swoop, Harm had become a   
pariah to his friends. Or at least it had felt like that.  
  
Flirting with disobedience of that order, Chegwidden had visited him once in the brig.   
Through that visit, Harm had learned that his office had been emptied by NCIS and the   
prosecuting attorney, Major McBurney, had taken up temporary residence. He also   
warned Harm that Mac, Sturgis, and Bud had been explicitly ordered not to attend his   
trial.   
  
Chegwidden was protecting the rest of his staff. Protecting them from what? Protecting   
them from a man who had an angry conversation with Loren Singer in a public place.   
That was the extent of Harm's conviction and the basis for the whole case. For over ten   
days, Harm had faced at a minimum eight years of Leavenworth just because he didn't   
have an alibi for the period of time when Loren was murdered.  
  
It turns out that Loren, on this rare occasion was telling the truth. Sergei wasn't the father   
of the child. But on so many occasions she had lied. Lied to get ahead or lied to take   
advantage. Harm's whole relationship with Singer was just too fucked up.  
  
And he just couldn't see it. Didn't see that when it came to Sergei; or Sergei and Singer;   
or Singer and a possibly Rabb baby, he just wasn't logical. He thought with his gut. Shit,   
he deserved to be locked up. No wonder the admiral was mad at him. Admiral   
Chegwidden knew he wasn't guilty. No, the admiral was mad because from the minute   
the murder had been announced, Harm had acted irrationally.   
  
His thoughts turned to Mac. Wonder what she thought of this whole fiasco? He mentally   
groaned. At the very least, she now knew what he hid from her regarding Singer's   
pregnancy. Maybe she had wondered if he was the baby's father? Nah, Mac, even at her   
most suspicious never would jump to that conclusion. But his evasive conduct during this   
debacle had reinforced to Mac that he must not trust her. It was just another wrong turn in   
his fumbling attempts to win something more than just Mac's friendship.  
  
He abruptly stopped running. Stop wallowing in self-pity, he told himself. It happened.   
Shit happens. It's over. The real killer was caught. Get over it.  
  
But whatever, Harm still knew it would be hard to face the JAG office tomorrow at work.   
He started walking. His legs were aching as he forced them into a slow jog. Running 15   
miles after the forced inactivity of the last two weeks had been stupid.   
  
As he turned down the street leading to his loft, he slowed slightly. Wasn't that Mac's   
'vette parked in front? As he looked further, he saw Sturgis' sedan and the admiral's   
SUV. He closed his eyes and groaned. Looks like he had company. He steeled himself.   
He walked through the door to the elevator.  
  
Pausing in front of his door, he could hear the muffled sound of voices. Everything   
stopped as he opened the door and walked in.   
  
Mac was behind the counter in his kitchen, oven mitts on taking something out of the   
oven. Well, she must have brought that with her. Harm didn't have anything edible in the   
house after the two-week absence. He noticed that his table was set for two. Set for two?   
Harm counted five including Bud sitting in the corner alone with three empty beer bottles   
on the shelf beside him. Sturgis and Admiral Chegwidden sat on his couch. They had dug   
out that small television Webb had given him and were watching the hockey playoffs. Or   
whatever they could get from the local broadcast station.  
  
What was he supposed to say? He answered their greetings awkwardly and mumbled   
something about taking a shower. He dived for the protection of the bedroom.  
  
It was a full 20 minutes before he emerged. The shower had gone a long way to improve   
his dismal frame of mind. It felt good to be back with his stuff and his own clothes.   
Maybe the deprivation of his soul from two weeks in the brig would eventually fade   
away.   
  
Sturgis greeted him with a cold beer. He hesitated out of habit before reaching for it,   
glancing over to Mac. She was watching him as she stood behind his counter. Feeling   
ashamed cause he knew he needed this, he grabbed the bottle.  
  
"Good run?" asked Sturgis. "How far did you go?"  
  
"Fifteen miles," he said.   
  
"Wow, making up for lost time?" Sturgis continued.  
  
"Yeah, I guess." Harm wondered how he was going to break the awkward silence it the   
room. He looked toward Bud, still sitting alone now with four empty beer bottles. "Bud,   
how did our Rogers appeal go?"  
  
"I finished it last week. Waiting for a hearing time." Bud continued. "I need to say   
something. I want to apologize, sir."  
  
"For what?"  
  
" I want to apologize for my testimony."   
  
"Did you say anything untruthful? I'm sorry too. I was the one who had the stupid   
conversation with Loren. You just stated what you saw, Bud."  
  
"It's not like it was the only angry conversation with Loren in that office. I had worse, sir.   
She just invoked that kind of response in people," Bud said. "But in this the case the only   
conversation that counted was yours. You really thought that Singer was carrying   
Sergei's baby?"  
  
"Yeah, she told me it wasn't his but I didn't trust her. Turns out for once, I should have   
believed her." Harm sat down on a bar stool, across from Mac.  
  
"What a bastard Lindsey was," said Bud. "Should've picked up on that from the   
beginning. I remember Loren meeting Lindsey after mass on Christmas Eve two years   
ago."  
  
"Yeah, me too." He took another swig from the bottle. He had thought about possible   
suspects during his brig time, but never had come up with Lindsey's name. Loren and   
Lindsey had been discrete.  
  
Bud continued to the next issue. "I also feel like I did nothing to help you. After all the   
times you have helped me, my brother…" He took another swig of his beer. Bud was   
taking this hard.  
  
Harm's glance slid over to the admiral sitting on the couch. He said, "You were under   
orders. What could you do? You are a JAG. I am a JAG. If we don't believe in the   
system, who will? In the end, the truth came out. Don't worry about it."  
  
AJ Chegwidden cleared his throat. "Harm, we all worried plenty about it. If it wasn't for   
that damn cover Lindsey planted to frame you…I shudder to think what might have   
happened. The whole damn office has been a mess since you were arrested. If you aren't   
in your office tomorrow morning, I will have a riot on my hands."  
  
Harm looked at the admiral quizzically. "It'll take me a little time to get my stuff back."  
  
"You don't need to do anything. It's just as you left it. Within thirty minutes of the   
announcement of charges being dropped, Coates, Sims and Tiner had McBurney kicked   
out and your stuff moved back in."  
  
"They shouldn't take it out on Major McBurney. He was just doing his job, admiral. I   
didn't take anything personal in it," said Harm.  
  
"I know. But don't tell Coates or Tiner. They thought he was public enemy number 1,"   
said AJ.  
  
Harm smiled. "Well if he was public enemy number 1 then what was Commander   
Coleman?"  
  
Sturgis laughed. "Wow, Harm. I always thought you were a little anal. But Faith   
Coleman makes you look easy going. What's with that pencil thing? For a while there, I   
thought she was going to use one of those sharpened pencils as a weapon."  
  
"She was a good lawyer. That's all I cared. Actually, both of them were top notch," said   
Harm. He looked again at the admiral. Something tells me there is more to this story than   
meets the eye.  
  
AJ returned Harm's look. "Thought you might like Coleman. And McBurney. I'd seen   
them in action before. Even when this whole mess was removed from my direct   
influence, I did what could to make sure they filtered to the top as potential candidates."  
  
"What did you think of the NCIS investigation team, admiral?" asked Harm.  
  
"You had more to do with them than I did. What did you think?" The admiral turned the   
question back to Harm. Sturgis handed him a second beer.  
  
"For me, the jury is still out. Ask me that in a month. I'm still too close to this to be   
objective. I mean I should hate Gibb's guts for charging me with the murder in the first   
place. But without his honesty on the stand that lead to the discovery of Lindsey's guilt, I   
would probably be in Leavenworth. For that, I am grateful," said Harm.  
  
Sturgis shook his head. "Man, you did look guilty. They had me wondering there for a   
while."  
  
"You don't believe I could kill Singer in cold blood?"  
  
"No, actually, that is the one thing that didn't ring true."  
  
Mac spoke up for the first time. "There was the family angle. Singer carrying Sergei's   
child? You went to great lengths to discover your father's whereabouts. I could see why   
the investigators could be led to you."  
  
"Come on. If I thought that Singer was carrying Sergei's child, why would I murder her?   
In fact, if you really want know, I told her that I would adopt it if she wanted to give it   
up." This whole conversation was starting to piss him off. Why didn't they all just say it?   
They thought he was a loose canon who could pop off at anyone.   
  
"I never doubted you innocence, Harm. I can just see how the trail led to you. Who   
knows, maybe they could have built a case against me. My relationship with her was   
pretty rocky." Mac smiled but it quickly faded. She shook her head. "I still can't believe   
she is dead."  
  
"Yeah, a good lawyer and colleague, despite her funny ambitions and aggressive style.   
This was something that should have never happened," said AJ soberly.  
  
"I hate to break this up but…Bud, I'll drive you home. Admiral, didn't you say you   
needed to meet Meredith somewhere?" Sturgis stood up. Time to give Mac and Harm   
some privacy. He hoped Mac could improve Harm's obvious poor mood.  
  
AJ stood up and held out his hand to Harm. "Welcome back, Harm. I pretty sure I speak   
for more than just myself when I say that the last two weeks was hard. I'm just relieved   
the system worked."  
  
Harm watched from his stool as Bud, Sturgis and the Admiral retreated through the door.   
Mac glanced at him motionless on the stool as she removed her seafood casserole from   
the oven. She lit the candles on the table and tossed the salad. "Harm? I've got some food   
here. You must be hungry."  
  
Harm slid off of the stool. He just wasn't in the mood. Usually, a quiet dinner with Mac   
was a rare opportunity that he treasured. Not tonight. Why? He wasn't sure.  
  
Admiral Chegwidden, Sturgis, Mac and Bud had all come over to see him tonight with   
the obvious intent to take the sting out of the trial. To help him gain some perspective. A   
part of Harm needed to hear what they said. But somehow, this time, it wasn't enough.   
His two weeks in the brig had been lonely and disturbing if not frightening. It had been   
one time that he would have given anything to have one of them reach past that infallible   
lawyer logic.   
  
He sat down with Mac and shoved a fork into some lump crab. She had gone to some   
trouble to make the dinner special. Why couldn't he appreciate it? He listened to her talk   
about the current cases on the board. He tried to feign interest. But Mac was astute and   
she soon abandoned the chatter. They fell into silence.  
  
After they finished eating, Harm went and sat down on the couch, leaving Mac to the   
dishes. Closing his eyes, he hoped she would soon leave.  
  
"Harm?"  
  
He jerked slightly, startled. He must have dozed off briefly. "Yeah?" Don't ask any mind   
bending, gut wrenching questions, Mac, he mentally pleaded. Not tonight. Any night but   
tonight.  
  
"The admiral was right, you know. It was a hard two weeks. Hard for all of us to see you   
arrested and detained in the brig. Hard for us to do nothing. But it was especially hard for   
me."  
  
"Don't worry, Mac. I'm used to this. I'm just tired."  
  
"Used to what? Used to being falsely accused of murder?"  
  
"Yeah, well, it is my second time. But it's not just murder trials, I'm getting used to being   
hung out to dry."  
  
"You are making it sound like we didn't care. For your information, we all cared a lot."  
  
"From where I stood, I wondered if anyone cared," said Harm. He sounded petulant and   
needy but he was too tired to care.   
  
Mac winced. No matter how many times they talked about their hands being tied or how   
they were under orders not to interfere, it somehow rang hollow. Bud knew it. Harm   
knew it. And no matter how the rest of them tried to justify it, they knew it too.  
  
Harm was more than an honorable officer he was a unique individual. His knowledge of   
the law was impressive but it wasn't statues and legal precedence that guided him   
through the murky swamp of right and wrong. He had a strong moral compass built on   
the ideals of compassion and human decency. Real life often put the pragmatism of the   
law at odds with his moral compass. That didn't stop Harm. He rarely compromised   
either ideal.  
  
Was Harm right to feel disappointed that his friends didn't extend to him what he would   
do in a heartbeat for them? Mac wasn't sure but all of sudden she was transported to   
another space and time. It was almost two years ago in the cramped legal office of the   
Guadalcanal. She had asked Harm what he would give up to have her. Mic Brumby had   
given up his country and career but would Harm give up his girlfriend? That question   
was still in the process of being answered but this time, maybe the focus should switch to   
her. What would she do for Harm? Apparently, if you looked only at this case, not much.  
  
Mac watched him as he sat on the couch. His eyes were open and he was staring into   
space with a hooded predatory expression she had seen once or twice before. It was like   
he was trying to face something unpleasant.   
  
All of sudden Mac knew she could help him. And it was only she that could help him.   
The sense of conviction that came over her was strong. Harm's truest feelings were   
something he held back from even the closest of his friends. She was his closest friend.   
To reach him, she would need to put her insecurities aside for once and speak plainly.  
  
She walked over to the couch and squatted gracefully down in front of his line of sight.   
For once, she wanted to avoid the tough marine psychological advantage thing. "Harm, I   
wanted to help you. But everywhere I turned, I was blocked. I was ordered to stay away   
from the case. If I disobeyed, the only impression that dramatic action would leave is to   
confirm your guilt or build the appearance of command interference or worse cover-up.   
Chegwidden was right. Doing nothing and letting the system work using an unbiased   
third party confirmed your innocence. There will be no questions about this case in the   
future. No asterisk on your service record."  
  
Harm leaned back, closed his eyes and let out sigh. "Did I ever say you should have   
helped me? It was just that it was so frigging lonely in that brig. Contact with other   
prisoners was kept to a minimum but when it did happen, I wondered if any had a grudge   
that they wanted to take out on my face. And the fact that a highly regarded NCIS team   
had built an impressive circumstantial case against me without an alibi was a little   
disconcerting. You can talk about lofty ideals like justice but a couple of times at 2 am, I   
wondered if I should just say to hell with it and bust out of there."  
  
Mac smiled. She was starting to see glimmers of old Harm. "You know what the scary   
part is? I bet you could have broken out of there, if so motivated," she said.  
  
"Damn right I could have. The brig operates on a very predictable schedule. And the   
Simmons, the guard for East 5 on the dogwatch is sloppy. It wouldn't take much."  
  
"Let me guess, plane out of Dulles to the family place in Bermuda," said Mac.  
  
"Not before checking extradition treaties with the US. I had a couple of other destinations   
in mind too." Harm was smiling now.  
  
"Remind me, if I'm ever on the bench for your next murder trial, to have you put in   
shackles," said Mac.  
  
Harm sobered quickly. "My next murder trial…you don't think this could happen again?"  
  
"No," she said quickly.  
  
"Even Tom Boone called my service record colorful. Do I attract these things?"  
  
"Well, it probably wouldn't hurt if you laid low and did things by the book for a while.   
Sturgis is a good example of an officer who never takes a misstep. Maybe you should   
take his lead."  
  
"That's true. It is also true that Sturgis wouldn't be my first choice as a defense attorney.   
You, Bud, the admiral and even Commander Coleman. Maybe McBurney. But Sturgis   
holds too much back." Harm reached forward and grabbed her arm. He gently pulled her   
from her squat to a seat beside him on the couch. "Thanks, Mac," he said quietly.  
  
"I didn't do anything," she said.  
  
"I not talking about the trial," he smiled and winked. "I'm talking about this. You let me   
vent. You let me talk about this. You are better than a 15 mile run."  
  
"You opened up for once."  
  
Harm sat and just looked at her. He wanted so badly to ask her to stay. He wanted to put   
his arms around her. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to finally see her as a woman not   
just as a friend.  
  
Mac moved restlessly and broke contact. "You must be tired. Admiral's right. If you   
aren't in the office tomorrow at 0800, the staff will riot. Time to get back to normal,   
sailor. I better leave."  
  
Harm tried to keep the disappointment out of his eyes. "Yeah."  
  
"See ya, Harm."  
  
"See ya, Mac."  
  
And with that, Mac closed the door. Harm sighed as he looked around his empty   
apartment. Well, thanks to Mac, he was no longer being tormented by the events of the   
trial. He could go back to normal. He sighed. Normal for him was being tormented by   
thoughts of Mac. Thoughts of Mac would definitely be top of mind for him tonight.   
Maybe what he needed was another 15 mile run. Too bad he didn't have that kind of   
cardiovascular condition. He headed for the shower. A cold shower.  
1 


End file.
